Last week I decided to sign up for the Bead Journal Project as a way of detailing my moods/feelings throughout the year. Due to certain events/situations in my personal life over the last few years, the panic attacks that I have suffered with for years have got much worse to the point where I am often unable to leave the house for weeks at a time. The bad situations are all behind us now but the panic attacks remain and I need to find a way to deal with them again. This is my first step.
The idea behind the BJP is that you choose a shape or theme and then stick with it, making one piece each month. I am using a simple goddess shape and bead embroidery for mine which I hope to eventually turn into some sort of calendar to hang on my studio wall. It will hopefully be a reminder of how far I have come from this first piece.
I always find January such a depressing month. It is dark and dreary and all the twinkly lights from Christmas have been put away. I thought that this would mean my January goddess would also be dark and dreary but in the end she turned out to have a bit of sparkle too.
To start, I picked out a pale pink gemstone bead for her face and a mottled grey gemstone bead for her belly. I found a pretty little hematite heart that was gifted me with a bag full of beads from a friend a little while ago and decided to use that as it was small and dark just like my mood. I edged the heart in dark red seed beads and added a line of baby spikes down one side to represent my prickliness. Originally she was to be faceless but I decided that was maybe a little creepy and decided to give her a mask instead as I often feel that I am hiding behind one myself. The mask is simply a piece of blank ultrasuede edged with seed beads and stitched over her face. The swirling seed beads are a representation of my changing moods and the crystals, the points of brightness in my days.
Overall, although the description makes her sound depressing, I rather like her. She has an optimism about her that I didn't expect and I am looking forward to seeing where the remaining 11 take me.